Sarah Defies Gravity

what one little chromosome taught me about love, life, and defying gravity.

Day 28/Day 67

Today, Sarah’s temperature stayed normal all day, and I was stoked, figuring we would get to go home, maybe even as early as this afternoon.

Then the oncologist dropped the bombshell. 

“we’d really rather keep her until her next round of chemotherapy is done” 

Oh, would you. Cause I’d rather not.

I know that logistically it makes the most sense, but it kind of tortures me (and Dec…Dec is still around, and I know that this blog has been very me-centric lately because I’ve been a very me-and-Sarah centric person lately…i’ve been trying to change that, but it’s hard…i guess i should save my relationship issues for another post, but let’s just say i can understand why people end up divorcing when their children are very sick. i don’t think we’re headed that way at all, but it’s so easy to become absorbed with one issue and forget about everything else. we’re trying very hard.) to think that i can’t bring her home where she’s most comfortable and happy. 

Speaking of comfortable and happy…it’s sort of scary to me, how somewhere between the first round and this last round, Sarah has suddenly started to LOOK SICK and ACT SICK. She’s lost her hair and her pudge, there are dark circles under her eyes, and most of the time she rejects food. she’s listless most of the time, if she’s awake at all. It’s depressing, to put it mildly. It’s depressing and I want it to be over.

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7 thoughts on “Day 28/Day 67

  1. I am so sorry this is so hard. Poor little Sarah. Sending good thoughts to you all.

  2. I started reading a few months ago and have never commented. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for what you are going through, I can feel the pain in your words. It is just heart wrenching. I seriously wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you.

    Just know that there are completely strangers out there that think you are an amazing father. That think of your sweet Sarah, that pray for you and your family.

    • Livia on said:

      You stole my words, the thought of your little angel sick and of your family’s pain made me so sad… I wish you to put this behind you soon, good luck guys

  3. Adrianna on said:

    I can’t begin to imagine how incredibly hard this must be for you, Dec and especially sweet Sarah. I’ll never in a million years understand why an innocent child has to suffer through a disease as awful as cancer. It’s unfair and beyond wrong, there aren’t words for it.

    I hope you know that there are beautiful, hospital-free days ahead for your little family. You will get through this. Sarah will be alright. You and Dec will survive this and eventually your unity will grow even stronger for it.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. Continue to remain strong. It will get better.

  4. Michelle on said:

    Thinking about your family today.

  5. Erin on said:

    Just checking in and sending good thoughts your way.

  6. Thinking of you and your family.

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