Today, Sarah’s temperature stayed normal all day, and I was stoked, figuring we would get to go home, maybe even as early as this afternoon.
Then the oncologist dropped the bombshell.
“we’d really rather keep her until her next round of chemotherapy is done”
Oh, would you. Cause I’d rather not.
I know that logistically it makes the most sense, but it kind of tortures me (and Dec…Dec is still around, and I know that this blog has been very me-centric lately because I’ve been a very me-and-Sarah centric person lately…i’ve been trying to change that, but it’s hard…i guess i should save my relationship issues for another post, but let’s just say i can understand why people end up divorcing when their children are very sick. i don’t think we’re headed that way at all, but it’s so easy to become absorbed with one issue and forget about everything else. we’re trying very hard.) to think that i can’t bring her home where she’s most comfortable and happy.
Speaking of comfortable and happy…it’s sort of scary to me, how somewhere between the first round and this last round, Sarah has suddenly started to LOOK SICK and ACT SICK. She’s lost her hair and her pudge, there are dark circles under her eyes, and most of the time she rejects food. she’s listless most of the time, if she’s awake at all. It’s depressing, to put it mildly. It’s depressing and I want it to be over.