Guest post, sort of: interview with Dec!
Every time I try to write a post about Dec and Sarah, I feel like it would be better in his own words. But every time I bring that up, this happens:
Me: Dec, would you consider writing a blog post about Sarah?
Dec: You have a blog?
Me: …I’ve showed you my blog.
Dec: Oh, I thought that was something different. Um, I don’t really know how to write a blog post even though I’d love to.
So I decided it would be easier on everyone involved if I asked the questions, he answered them, and I posted it on the blog. Here we go!
What is your relationship with Sarah like? Do you feel like her dad?
Feel like? Um. I don’t know. Do you? Of course I do, I mean, I don’t wake up and go “oh there’s Christopher and there’s Christopher’s kid.” yeah, I feel like her dad. She’s my baby girl. What kind of question is that?
Sorry! I’m trying to ask things people wonder about. Or that I think they do, anyway.
Well, I don’t know. Maybe it’s different for you, but she’s my baby girl. I don’t even think about the fact that she has a mom anymore. She’s mine.
How did you first feel when I told you she had Down Syndrome?
I remember when you phoned me, you sounded like a scared little kid. But I know [a friend who has DS and is in her 20s] so I wasn’t scared like you were. I was nervous when you told me her mom didn’t want her, because I didn’t know what that meant for us.
But you embraced her right away.
Well yeah. As soon as I looked at her, I forgot that I didn’t want to have kids of my own.
So we didn’t feel so different when we first met her.
Does that really surprise you?
No. What was your first impression of her?
That she was beautiful and so, so perfect. If you hadn’t have told me, I wouldn’t have known she had down syndrome, my first thought was ‘she looks just like you’. And I wasn’t worried about her future or anything, I was just happy that she got to be part of my life. It was a really incredible experience.
What are things like now? Anything harder than you expected? Easier?
I think you have a harder time emotionally than I do. I never grieved. Maybe because I didn’t have any expectations first, so I got lucky. But I’ve always just thought Sarah was the best thing that ever happened to me. The therapies are kind of more intense than i thought they would be and that bugs me because she’s just a baby. But all of that–the first little while after she was born–seems really long ago now. This is the way we’ve always been.
Can you tell me about having more kids in the future?
I think you know this! But, uh. I guess when Sarah was a couple of months old, I really realized that I wanted more kids, but I didn’t want more kids that were…
I was gonna say normal but Sarah is normal, so yeah. Neurotypical. I wanted more kids with Down Syndrome, because Sarah made such a huge positive impact, and I don’t have any interest in the experience of having a neurotypical kid. So I told you I wanted to adopt a baby with Down Syndrome in a year or two.
You don’t have any interest in raising neurotypical kids?
Nah. My only basis of reference is Sarah, and she’s perfect. Why mess with a good thing?
Anything else you’d like to add?
I guess for parents who are expecting kids with down syndrome or just had a kid with down syndrome. don’t be afraid. It’s not a curse. It’s going to be the best thing that ever happened to you and you’ll never, ever look back.
He’s a keeper, that’s for damn sure.