Stuff…I’m going to miss you.
Moving from a spacious house into a less-spacious apartment means that we’re having to put a lot of our stuff into storage, so yesterday, we rented a UHaul and put everything we won’t need into storage. Our house is oddly empty now, and it’s weird, because I barely noticed that stuff while it was here, and now that it’s gone, it’s glaring at me. But you know…once we’re moved into the new place and adjusted, I probably won’t even notice that the stuff is gone, because everything is right where it should be in that new place.
But I thought that presented an interesting parallel for my mindset lately. I’ve been kind of wallowing in (a large, deep pool) of self-pity the last few days. I’m tired, stressed out, and even though we’ve found GREAT care providers for Sarah, it’s still a giant headache getting her care transferred and making sure that she doesn’t go too long without therapy (although in NY, we’ll be getting in-home therapy…cool!), and slowly starting to dip my toes into exploring the possibilities of working (on a logistic level, it’s just not going to work now. Maybe when Sarah is in school and getting some of her services through the school), and I find myself growing resentful.
I hate that DS makes everything harder, and I hate myself for thinking that it makes everything harder. I should have enough perspective to think DS is a piece of cake. At least I haven’t had to spend any time with her in the PICU. At least she will have a meaningful, independent life. At least…blah blah blah. It still sucks, let’s be honest.
Because it’s just like the stuff that I put into storage. I expected something different. I got used to that idea, and then, when I was good and used to that idea–when I forgot that stuff was there–I put it in storage, and I got something completely different. And right now, it’s pissing me off, because I’m still thinking about the stuff that used to be there.
But one day, when I’ve been living in this apartment for a little while, I won’t even remember that stuff. I’ll forget it ever was here, because I’ll be enjoying this stuff so much.
I’m just not quite there yet, and that’s okay. Right?